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Another beautiful indian summer day. not a cloud in the sky as i opened up the window blinds to let the sun into my bed room. I fixed toast with butter and my ever present can of coke. Took the toast and coke and my cigarettes and went outside to sit at the table.



No one other than me has started to stir. its seven in the morning and its a little chilly. I watched with some amusement at the little squirrel who came with in inches of me before he realized i was there. he sat up twitched his tail and whiskers at me as if to yell that i scared him lol.. he turned and scampered off.



Nancy or Pat isnt up yet. Kathy and Tony just came out and waved at me and got in their car and drove off...Pat's door finally opened up and i could smell her coffee brewing. I had gotten some cinnamon rolls yesterday and went inside to get them and soon she and i sat at her table having a quick breakfast and chatting. Nancy soon joined us with her coffee and the gossip commenced!



Im back in now and my day stretches before me. I have dishes to do and messes to clean up...:)

i love to stay up at night. I have always have. Luckly there are a few who share my love of staying up all night...My constant late night companions, Tammy, Wyntre and Ozzy plus Moonie ( michelle )who gets into the act from time to time... some nights leave me in tears from laughing so hard. If I tease im logging off and not speaking they threaten to call which I laugh. Tammy and I share the same sleep pattern which was alot easier when she lived in denver. Canada is too hard for her to call from. but she does and if my phone is busy she makes it a point to tell me on the computer to get off the phone lol. Its usually pick on Cindy night (every night it seems) But what makes me feel good is i know they do it with love and its never malicious...



Heard from Neil this morning, he called me over the computer to give me a pep talk about writing. and basically tell me Im alright. What would I do without Neil? hes like an older brother to me and Ive never met him. He calls me princess and treats me like a niece, even though we are the same age. We kid back and forth and for as long as weve known each other hes one of the nicest and most caring people I know. I had hoped when I moved to England I would have gotten the chance to meet him an get to know him. As well as my moonie's mum. Shes offered to adopt me and I told her my mom would want to know where she signs to give me up lol.. But will not be moving to England after all. And now after the aftermath, maybe the goddess knew what she was doing after all. Gina (mystic winds)and I take turns in teasing Neil about who gets the first copy of his first book, And so far we've asked him who does he love the most in this and hes not choosing lol..



Talked to Angel this morning for a bit but as usual she had errands to run for Master Onyx and thats understandable. Everyone is working hard on the other sites, my contributions are slow in going and I hope to get things done by this weekend and to move on to the next task



Samhain is coming soon and I have my ritual ready to go. fixed my altar and made a list of things i need to replace what ronnie threw out



its a beautiful day. turns off the computer and takes a walk....

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Angelus
23:55 Oct 28 2008

maybe? one day..

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went job hunting today and ended up going to the health and human services to apply for food stamps and some help with my medical. made a few observations. Those that do need the help and dont get it vs the ones who dont need it and get it anyway.



I have always prided myself on the fact I have survived this long without any ones help except for this last year. when I was forced to go back to work before i was completely healed from my rotator cuff surgery.



Needless to say looking back on this past year Ive been left behind by a few people in my life that probably should have never been trusted in the first place. You live and learn.



No use crying over losers i guess. Bitter yes. Not down and out yet.. Smiles Im still standing. Gets harder every time to rebound, to recover but Im doing quite nicely thank you very much. If anyone thought Id lay down and die. Think again.



The people that I saw there, some in desperation, others that knew how to work the system against those like me who think the system sucks. I watched and wonder which catagory I fell into. And realizing that no matter how desperate my situation, I had family that has stood by me. but i think thats wearing thin on my mother and for good reason. (rolls eyes)



I was wondering who to blame or was there any one really to blame? other than myself? This week saw dreams fail and new ones that may come to pass but whose to say? There was a moment when I wanted to give up. That I wont lie about.



I walked outside to the warm october sun and lit up a cigarette, leaned my body up against the wall with a foot braced against it. I felt the silver pentagram at my throat and wondered.



The goddess in her own way is telling me she never does anything without good reason. A very good friend shown me a you tube video of the song by the grace of the witch and for some reason the title has stuck with me. I watched my mother pull the car in front of the building. I smiled and got in and was in deep thought as she drove me home. By the grace of this witch ive let things slide. am angry but that will fade in time.



By the grace of the Witch, I will survive.

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mistressmoonlight
00:30 Oct 22 2008

You'll do more than survive Sissy... you will LIVE.. and live WELL at that ;)

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His loss...so mote it be.

I quit my job at Kmart. I think it was way over due to do so. They cut me down to one day a week. I lost my temper sort of speak and said two words "I quit"



One day a week just doesnt cut it. lol I was looking for a job when I found it. I only took it because transportation was a little bit hard to come by. So this week Ive found one job and really wasnt looking forward to it. But my sister and brother in law work there. Kmart screwed me up for the simple fact they caused me to be $85.00 short on my rent. so now i have to scramble to find it so they dont charge me fifty bucks a day late fee. but the landlord knows ive been having trouble lately and knows i cant afford that.



Went to mom's and did laundry and sat for four hours listening to what I should or shouldnt do in my life. My hair, my clothes my general outlook on life she felt she needed to correct. I just smiled and said "yes, mom" just to avoid an argument. She fixed dinner and I dutifully did the dishes. without so much as a whimper, lol. What was funny was my aunt came up to visit with my cousin Sherry and my mother and my aunt continued to discuss me as if i wasnt in the room. lol.



Was never so glad to get home lol.